My Little Guy's Birthday

Well, maybe I shouldn't call Matthew my little guy anymore. The kid is more than two handfuls now!

For the first 10 years of his life, I was with him on each birthday. My body carried my son. I went through the scare of something growing on his spine in utero with my best friend Leah by my side. Nick attended the first appointment. Leah was by my side during the ultrasound to find out how bad it was. Imagine my relief when we found out the growth had shrunk to nothing. I changed the diapers, fed Matthew. I potty trained him. I was there for the testing, diagnoses, therapies. I've championed for him all these years.

So this year, when it was Nick's week again, I sent Nick a text: "May I have Matthew after school ***day to spend some time with him on his birthday before you get home?" I received this reply from Nick: "My parents are watching him after skool ***day"

My heart broke. I have two older children. I understand there will be birthdays I'll be unable to spend with them. I have yet to discover one...until this year when I was unable to spend at least a few hours with Matthew on his birthday.

I have felt cruelty from Nick before, but he outdid himself this time. I don't know this person I once loved and called my lobster. So much has changed since those first weeks I had left and found out he was dating. Now it's over a year and a half later. I thought I was hurt then, but this is so much more. My kids are my life.

I managed to have a very nice party for Matthew a few days later, though. Friends and family came, and you could feel the love in my home. And that's what I want for Matthew - to feel love when he's around me.


He had a good party, he was happy, and he was worn out. I tucked him in that night under a warm blanket and let him just chill in his room. I was pleased with how the night went and was content to have Matthew back in my home again. I still ache I didn't get to see him on his birthday, but I get the pleasure of his company every other week.

Until the next dirt...


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