So, Yeah, Almost a Year

It's been almost a year since I've posted, and I think I'm about ready to open up about what's happened in this past year.

In the beginning of November 2024, Shawn and I were getting ready to go to Vegas. We were going because I wanted to see the stars in the desert when it was a new moon. Of course, we also wanted to see our friend who also lived out there, but the big push was the stars. I was so looking forward to it.

Shawn and I stayed the night at a hotel near the airport the night before our flight. When I woke up the morning of our flight, I felt "off." I was hot. My mind was fuzzy. I felt like crying. When Shawn woke up, I felt like I wasn't able to communicate with him how I felt. I couldn't get across to him what was going on. The walls were closing in, I couldn't breathe, I started to cry, and finally I just started screaming. I don't know exactly what happened, other than to describe it as my mind broke. We were supposed to be catching the shuttle to the airport in 10 minutes. That never happened.

We stayed at the hotel for, I don't know, another hour or two while Shawn called my sister on speaker phone and the two of them talked me down. Shawn and I went home. That week I got an appointment with my psychiatric nurse ASAP. New medications were tried. I met with her every week for the next two months. My mom and my sister would trade days to stay with me until Shawn got home from work.

It was a long road. I stopped needing people to stay with me in January, I think. Medications were prescribed, tweaked, taken away...and I think we've finally got them right. I lost weight; I gained weight. I threw away my scale.

I feel pretty good now. Through it all, I managed to stay an attentive mother. That's all I've ever strived for. I managed to stay out of the mental hospital. I'm proud of myself. I'm truly thankful for those who have stood by me through this all. I'm grateful for those who didn't push for answers when I didn't have them to give, when I hid myself away.



So, yeah, the goal is to head out to Vegas again, but maybe on a train. And maybe after I've been stable for a bit longer. But I want to see those stars in the desert when there's a new moon.

Until the next dirt...

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