Moving on with the Dirt

 It's actually Sunday, and I'm starting my week away at my writer's workshop. I was so excited to go, but I was also a nervous nelly about leaving my little family at home. I kept fussing around, trying to finish up everything that I could, giving last minute instructions, reminding Tea and Bryan what needed to be done, and warning Nick to go easy on the kids. Finally I just took a deep breath and asked everyone, "Can you tell I'm nervous?" When I went to leave, I forced a kiss on Matthew's hand and Tea actually allowed me to hug her. I told Matthew that he could email me at any time (he didn't want me to go, which is why he wouldn't let me hug or kiss him good-bye). Nick walked me to my car, and I was off. I have to tell you, the drive was incredibly long. It was over four hours. I was about 45 minutes away when my phone sent a message through telling me "Welcome to Canada!" I laughed, because for a moment I thought that maybe I had gott...

Many of you know that I was in a relatively serious car accident on September 3rd. I said I wasn't going to say much about the car accident, other than my car was totaled and I wasn't at fault. For reference, here's a picture of my car: I'm physically not doing the greatest. My body is pretty messed up, but I'm alive, and I'm grateful for that. My bipolar disorder and anxiety have been suffering as well. The anxiety that I suffer right now is horrible. I can drive (Bryan is kind enough to share his car with me), but I have a panic attack whenever I come up to an intersection, especially the intersection where I was hit. I have nightmares, so I don't like to sleep. I've been forgetting to take my meds. I guess I'm hoping to go into a manic phase so that I can forget this whole mess. When that guy ran the red light, was he thinking about the damage he could do to the other driver? What was he doing or where was he going that was so important that he ha...

Most people know that I'm a sucker for animals, especially cats. Well, it seems as though stray kittens have sensed this about me and decided that I'm the one to come to for help. My mom and I were taking a walk mid-August and heard the most pathetic meowing from the weeds. I investigated, and we acquired Cleo. Funny story: we thought Cleo was a girl until this past Friday when I brought "her" in for vaccines and discovered, nope, Cleo is a boy. Happy gender reveal! The vet figures Cleo is around three months old. His mother was actually found deceased up the road later on that evening. I'm hoping the rest of his siblings found their way to somewhere. (Right now Cleo is sitting in my lap trying to disturb my typing to the best of his ability.) We were having family over for dinner Saturday night, and the kids were playing outside. They found three kittens in the weeds by our trailer/scrap pile. Early Thursday morning, their mother had broken it's arm and back ...

From the time I was little, I dreamed of being a mom. That's all I ever wanted - a husband and three children. We'd live in a big, fancy house; I'd be a model; my children would be an older boy and two younger girls; they'd all be close in age with blonde hair; (I had no clue what my husband did for a living); and we'd be oh, so happy. I didn't think much about what my husband would be like at the time, except I knew I'd wear a long veil at my wedding. I used to put my pillowcase on top of my head at my pretend wedding. Life kind of ended up like that, but not so much. I have my husband. I have my three children. They're spaced so far out in age, though, due to multiple miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. They were all blonde at one point. As Bryan grew older, his hair gradually darkened into brown. But Tea and Matthew are still my little blondies. I had two boys instead of two girls. And I wouldn't change that. The children I have now are perfect...