Moving on with the Dirt

I was going through old posts and looked at this gem  Monogamy and cheating  and realized how much my views have changed in two years. I still believe that cheating is having an emotional affair. However, I also now believe that giving your body over to someone is also cheating. Sure, we were put on this earth to procreate. But when you have a love so deep with somebody, that's the only person you want to be with. You can't fathom being with anybody else. At least I can't. It's about the communication being so deep with your loved one that you can't imagine your body being with anyone but them. I didn't think I'd ever have the kind of connection like I have with Shawn. I'm comfortable at the pace we're moving because I know, in the long run, he's going to be there. We don't have to rush things. I'm not afraid of him going somewhere or looking elsewhere. When he tells me he loves me, I hear the sincerity in his voice. I know he's inter...

I've lost myself a few times in my 46 years of life. I've managed to find myself again no matter the circumstances, though. I take comfort in knowing no matter how long I have been lost, I've always found myself again... It was at age 19 I found out I was pregnant with Bryan. I had cheated on Nick the month before I got pregnant with Bryan. This picture was taken shortly before I found out I was pregnant, in the spring of 1997. Nick and I broke up not long after I found out I was pregnant because he thought Bryan wasn't his. It took a DNA test to prove Bryan was biologically Nick's. This was a huge turning point in life for me. I had been manic for a number of months leading up to my getting pregnant with Bryan. I was doing nothing with my life but drinking and partying. My life was going nowhere. One night I passed out on a church doorstep. When I came to and started walking home, a man claiming to be a cop pulled over to give me a ride. He had no ID and I refused....