Moving on with the Dirt

 When I write these blogs, it's at least a week in advance, sometimes even up to a month in advance. That's why I try to tell stories of the past, instead of what's happening that week or what has happened within the past week or so. But I figured I'd let you know how things have changed between the last post and this post, and what will be going on soon. I got into a car accident on Friday the 19th. I was in the left turn lane at a flashing yellow arrow. There was an SUV in front of me waiting to turn, so I had my brakes on. A car hit me from behind. I never saw it coming. He backed up and sped off. My car received minimal damage, but I was pretty sore. I was amazed at the lack of people who stopped to help. There were about five or six kids who were at a nearby store who came running over to see if I was okay. Otherwise all the other cars kept driving or drove around me to continue making their left turns. I managed to make a reservation at the Mercy Prayer cabin for ...

 It's been awhile since I've given an update as to how I've been doing with my bipolar disorder (beginning of January, I think). I was worried for myself. Well, I've continued to be worried. I went through a period at the beginning of this month where I would regularly forget to take my meds. I take meds a total of 14 times a week. I was missing at least 5 of those times. That's not good. I wasn't getting much sleep. We have a new puppy, Lucy. With having a new puppy, she needs to go out during the night or she piddles on our rug. Also, Brock, our almost 11-year-old dog, was pretty sick for awhile. We took him to the vet, who figured out that he has diabetes and had a pretty bad bladder infection. He was piddling all over the place, so I was constantly cleaning that up. I was cleaning up pee at all hours of the day and night. My sleep was severely interrupted. I was getting around maybe five to six hours of sleep a night, which may be normal for some people, but...

 We've been in this pandemic for a year. On March 18, 2020, school was officially released and we started distance learning. In the beginning, Matthew did paper learning. He had a difficult time with it and wouldn't work with me. We figured out a way that he would work; he'd do an assignment, we'd play a game, he'd do another assignment, we'd play another game, rinse and repeat. Soon he had the therapists from the Minnesota Autism Center coming out, and he would work with them. The only problem with that was on the days they didn't come out, he wouldn't work with me anymore. Here he is playing a game with one of his therapists. It's so far and between that I see such a genuine smile on Matthew's face. We also had to include the "extras" into our schedule: art, music, and gym. For gym we used to take walks down our road. We ended up taking a ton of walks in March, April, and May. Sometimes my mom would join us, sometimes Bryan would join...

 Back in September 2005, three days before my golden birthday, I was taken to a state mental hospital for a depressive episode. I had some pills in my hand but was going to put them back, but Nick caught me with them in my hand. He felt that I was going to take them and didn't know that I was going to put them back. We went outside into what was going to be a stormy night. I told him I wanted to take a walk. My sister came home (she was staying with us at the time), and I told him that I'd take her with me, but he didn't feel like she could protect me if I decided to jump on the railroad tracks or out in the road in front of a truck. The police ended up being called. Nick gave his side of the story, and when they asked for my side of the story, I wouldn't give it. By that time I felt so defeated, I figured, what was the point? Back in 2005, the police really didn't listen to the emotionally unstable party; we were just hauled away somewhere. I was taken six hours aw...

 So back in a post in December ( My Bipolar and Marriage ) I mentioned that I felt like I trapped Nick into marriage. Looking back on it, I feel like I trapped or pressured Nick our whole relationship. When Nick first asked me out, he brought me ice cream. I didn't even realize that I was going to say yes. He really wasn't my type; I always swore I was never going to go out with a car guy. But he met the height requirement, and I was pretty superficial at the time. Besides, he was funny and charming. So we went out to Country Kitchen that night, and I had a really nice time. Three days later I told him that I loved him. Did I? I don't know. I was manic. At the time I believed I did. But it was the beginning of where I feel like, looking back, I started pressuring him. Over time I encouraged him to buy me a ring, which to me was a promise ring, but to him was just a ring I wanted. It was just one of many miscommunications that we had. When I really wanted to get married, aft...