Moving on with the Dirt

 Last week we talked about the facts of my mania in my bipolar disorder. This week we're going to concentrate on the depression side. I'm betting that a lot of you know way more about depression. Many people live with depression in some form or another, whether it's mild, moderate, or severe. In my bipolar disorder, however, it usually runs on the severe form. I've been hospitalized almost 20 times in my life for psychiatric reasons, and only about 3 of them have been for mania.  Let's talk about signs of bipolar depression. Remember from last week, these mood episodes are very different from moods and behaviors that are typical for the person. Once again, I will put in parenthesis behind the symptoms what I experienced. People having a depressive episode may: -Feel sad, down, empty, worried, or hopeless (yes, yes, yes, kinda, and yes) -Feel slowed down or restless (yes, no) -Sleep too much, have trouble falling asleep, wake up too early (yes, no, no, but on a side ...

 I know I've entertained with some stories of my bipolar disorder, a poem, my kids, my marriage, etc. I thought that maybe I'd educate about my bipolar disorder. As you know by now, if you've been reading from the beginning, or at least for the past few weeks, I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type I. Bipolar I has manic episodes that last at least seven days, or manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate hospital care. Depressive episodes occur as well, typically lasting at least two weeks. Episodes of depression with mixed features (depression and mania at the same time) are also possible. My mania typically lasts at least several months, and is almost always followed by a debilitating crash. Only one time was different. Back in 2001, I was admitted to the hospital during a terrific high. I remember flirting mercilessly with the doctor that had to examine me when I had to come into the hospital. I had him blushing and uncomfortable. He w...

 I've shared some pretty personal writing. Some people might not like what I have to say, or they might be upset by what I'm saying. In one of the writing classes I'm taking though, there's a source that has an excellent quote. It's an online book called Words to Write By, and it states, "...If nobody would disagree with you, you're probably not saying anything that interesting." Just something to think about. And now on to this week's dirt.  I've had a tendency to dabble with some poetry, which I've shared with my writing group. I love being in a writing group, although with COVID, it's really hard to get together, obviously. While social distancing is going on and the weather is so cold, we're meeting over the phone. With my household being so busy and loud, I haven't had the chance to participate. In the summer, we were meeting in the park where we could put our camping chairs six feet apart. It's always easier for me to ...

 Dealing with my bi-polar disorder right now is challenging. It's not so much that I'm depressed or manic, because I really don't feel myself tipping either way. It's keeping anxiety stable and remembering to take my meds so that I don't tip either way while Matthew is going through his meltdowns. Nick and I try, we really do. Matthew gets upset if he doesn't have electronics. Friday night I took away his iPad, and he started screaming and pounding on stuff. He demanded to get what he deserved. So I took away every electronic device he had, including his tv. I told him he could earn his tv back by listening and not throwing fits. That wasn't good enough for him. Saturday he was still without everything, and he made the best of it playing with slime and playing outside. Nick and I were very proud of him. What else is real in my life? The screaming and yelling. I don't like yelling, and I'm ashamed to say that I will end up yelling when I've reache...