Some Facts You Might Know More About

 Last week we talked about the facts of my mania in my bipolar disorder. This week we're going to concentrate on the depression side. I'm betting that a lot of you know way more about depression. Many people live with depression in some form or another, whether it's mild, moderate, or severe. In my bipolar disorder, however, it usually runs on the severe form. I've been hospitalized almost 20 times in my life for psychiatric reasons, and only about 3 of them have been for mania. 

Let's talk about signs of bipolar depression. Remember from last week, these mood episodes are very different from moods and behaviors that are typical for the person. Once again, I will put in parenthesis behind the symptoms what I experienced.

People having a depressive episode may:

-Feel sad, down, empty, worried, or hopeless (yes, yes, yes, kinda, and yes)

-Feel slowed down or restless (yes, no)

-Sleep too much, have trouble falling asleep, wake up too early (yes, no, no, but on a side note, I have heard that some people will also wake up multiple times in the middle of the night)

-Have an increased appetite and increased weight (OMG, I gained at least 100 pounds from eating my way through depression)

-Talk slowly, have nothing to say, or forget a lot (yes, oh yes, and holy cow yes)

-Have trouble concentrating or making decisions (yes, but this wasn't different because of my ECT)

-Be unable to do simple things (meh)

-Have little interest in all activities, little or no sex drive, or an inability to experience pleasure (completely and totally to all three)

-Be hopeless, worthless, suicidal (yes, yes, yes)

A few stories to go along with these facts. I think it's obvious by now that I've been suicidal and that there have been attempts. One of these times, Nick drove me to the hospital in his truck. I was so depressed and out of it, as he was pulling up to a stoplight, I tried jumping out of the truck. Obviously, he was able to hold me in and get me to the hospital.

Another time I was taken to the hospital for suicidal thoughts and was left alone in my room in the emergency room. I remember wandering around the room looking for something to hurt myself. A nurse came in, saw what I was doing, and was amazed that I was alone. Someone was called in to sit with me, but before that someone was left in the room with me, that person was quietly reamed out in the hallway outside my door. I assume they were supposed to be in the room the whole time.

I've received ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) because my depression has been so bad. The first time was bilateral (the electrodes were on both sides of my head), and I had about five rounds of it. It worked really well. However, it did a great job of wiping out my concentrating and ability to think very well. I have a hard time making decisions if I can't write them out on paper or take a lot of time to think about them. I'm unable to work because of this. I forget a lot, too, and I still have some memories that are lost. The second time was unilateral (the electrodes were only on one side of my head). It was not nearly as effective, but it did bring me out of the deep funk that I was in. The time between the first round of ECT and the second round of ECT was about 15 years. I did it because I was desperate to get out of the depression that I was in. It was not a decision I took lightly.

Believe it or not, this is the face of depression. This is the woman who tried to kill herself the day before this picture was taken and was admitted to the hospital two hours after this picture was taken. You wouldn't know it by looking at this picture.

I hope I was able to inform and entertain. Again, the facts I took came from here:

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml