Moving on with the Dirt

Today was an especially hard day for me. It is the day that would have been my 21st wedding anniversary. I haven't been dealing very well with the past few days. I was dreading this day coming up. Yes, Nick and I were separated last year, but this year felt very final. It's not too often I get sentimental about "what could have been." But I have been thinking about just that subject the past few days. Going into my marriage, I intended to stay with Nick until one of us passed. It feels odd to know his house is not my house anymore, that we're not raising our child under one roof. I also think about how easily our marriage fell apart. When I truly sit and think about it, though, my marriage had been falling apart for many years. I just hadn't wanted to see it. We looked like the perfect couple to everyone around us. So today, I put on my big girl panties, a smile on my face, and pretended everything was fine. I tried to block out 21 years ago. How do you fully ...

I believe life is all about balance. Where there is good, there must be some bad. Where there is happiness, there must be some sadness. Where there is laughter, there are tears which are mixed in. This is certainly true in my life. I met Shawn because my relationship with Nick had fallen apart. I had moved into the apartment building and Shawn and I were neighbors across the hall from each other. I had only caught a glimpse of him - he was pretty quick to get in his apartment because he was pretty sick. I went on my merry way for another two weeks or so before we finally actually introduced ourselves to each other. I actually asked Shawn about it a month or so ago. My time of moving in was such a whirlwind, I couldn't remember when I had met everyone. I do remember, however, how I quickly considered him a friend. He was a wonderful shoulder to lean on and very easy to talk to. He untangled my 20+ necklaces that were thrown with disregard into a box and brought to me. I cried on his...