My First Title

I received a piece of mail Monday that I left on the table. It was from the Minnesota Department of Transportation. I didn't want to open it then. For some reason, I just wasn't in the mindset. Tuesday, though, that mindset was there. I was feeling down, thinking I really haven't accomplished much in life. I looked at that piece of mail, took a deep breath, picked it up, and opened it.

The piece of paper in there was the title for my new/used car. It was the first title with only my name on it for a car not paid for by someone else. (If you'd like to call shenanigans on this, please feel free to IM me on Facebook.) I told Shawn what it was, then went to him. We held hands, and he boosted up my attitude even more with kind words and reassurances.

I feel more independent than I have in a long time. I've still been trying to do things myself, but this was a feeling of weight lifting off my chest. I can breathe better since I opened that title.

I was able to open up tonight to Shawn about some fears I have. More and more I'm learning about open communication and how it is so beneficial to our relationship. Sometimes it's hard to understand each other's point of view. I know I've found myself getting frustrated. I've thrown up my hands more than once, which is disrespectful. I really hate when people can't see what I'm saying AND I can't find a different way to explain it. I don't try to be disrespectful by throwing my hands in the air - I have pent-up energy that needs to be released from my body. Bad excuse. I really don't have an excuse that's, well, excusable.

I've been in some sort of funk for a few days. Then I realized that one of my medications ran out within the past four days or so. I had set the bottle on the counter to remind me to refill it, and it got set to the side in the shuffle of cleaning I was doing. I found it tonight and will take care of it right away in the morning.

It's not safe to just cold-turkey quit any medication. I suppose missing four or more days of this medication could make me feel the way I've been feeling - down, tired, unmotivated, unhappy with myself physically. I'll either shoot a message off to my provider in the morning or just ask the pharmacist when I call to refill to see if these effects I've been feeling could be a result of missing the meds.

For the remainder of the night, though, I'll just look at this picture of my cute car. Geez, I love a Toyota.



Until the next dirt...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

So, Yeah, Almost a Year

Image
It's been almost a year since I've posted, and I think I'm about ready to open up about what's happened in this past year. In the beginning of November 2024, Shawn and I were getting ready to go to Vegas. We were going because I wanted to see the stars in the desert when it was a new moon. Of course, we also wanted to see our friend who also lived out there, but the big push was the stars. I was so looking forward to it. Shawn and I stayed the night at a hotel near the airport the night before our flight. When I woke up the morning of our flight, I felt "off." I was hot. My mind was fuzzy. I felt like crying. When Shawn woke up, I felt like I wasn't able to communicate with him how I felt. I couldn't get across to him what was going on. The walls were closing in, I couldn't breathe, I started to cry, and finally I just started screaming. I don't know exactly what happened, other than to describe it as my mind broke. We were supposed to be catch...
Read more

Am I Old?

Image
I broke down in tears yesterday. At first I couldn't put my finger on it. I had been messaging with my oldest about high school. It's my 30-year class reunion coming up, and it's his 10-year class reunion. I had sent him a little message in the beginning saying, "Why would I want to go to my high school reunion when I didn't even want to go to high school in the first place?" We had a good giggle about it, talked about how horrible high school was for the both of us, then went about our days. I had a birthday party for my youngest last weekend. The kid is now a teenager. My baby boy - a teenager. I almost can't wrap my head around it. Yeah, he's got the attitude down. But it's only 5 more years until he officially will reach adulthood. Wow. And my beautiful daughter is married and planning a wedding that her loved ones can be at. Each day I have to remind myself that she is not a little girl sitting at a princess table doing a "project." ...
Read more

Try to Keep Positive

Image
I try really hard in my life to keep a positive outlook. That positive outlook seems to be going down the drain. I notice I'm an angrier person than I've been in a long time. I'm sick of the shit my kids have to go through, that I end up putting them through (the older ones, at least), because I end up having to put them in the middle because their father and I can't communicate. That tension flows over into other interactions, and I turn into a major bitch. It's hard and inspiring all at the same time to watch blended families work together for the sake of the kids. I have a nephew and his wife parent beautifully with his ex-wife and her husband. I watch Shawn and his ex do everything in their power to come to agreements on what's best for their son. And my nephew (shown in the below picture - and he loves it!) co-parents with his ex in a civilized manner. Is a civilized manner too much to ask? My leaving the kids' father was because I needed to work on my ...
Read more