New Relationships

When I left my marriage, I still thought there was a chance of saving it. By mid-May, I knew that was no longer an option. By June, that fact was pretty much chiseled in stone. It was made obvious to me by certain actions that I would never want to go back to my marital home to live.

In the beginning of June, I thought I would try Facebook Dating. That lasted less than 24 hours, because man, the thought of dating was overwhelming to me. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin yet, I hadn't dealt with my issues, and frankly, I was just trying to prove something.

I was getting to be friends with my next door neighbor at the apartment building. He was a quiet guy, but my God, his sense of humor slayed me. He was calm, I loved the way he was with his son, I loved talking to him, and after a while, I started to make some moves on him. He was so sweet, he didn't even notice. I thought to myself, "Good Lord, I've lost my touch."

Our friendship developed, and we began seeing each other at the end of June, although we decided when we went out, we would go out on family outings. We took the kids to the state park, out to dinners, out to the lake, visiting my family, and things like that.

It was so weird the first time I was introduced as his girlfriend. I almost panicked. I'd been "Nick's wife" for so long, it felt so odd to be somebody else's girlfriend. I obsessed on it for a few days, then realized my days of being "Nick's wife" were long over. There was no going back to that. And so, after that, I started warming up to being "Shawn's girlfriend."

I stumble over saying the title out loud. When I introduce Shawn, I stumble over calling him my boyfriend. It's an oddity for me, these titles. I always hated being called Mrs. (My Last Name), though. I would scowl and say, "Please call me Amanda." My lawyer's assistant constantly called me Ms. (My Last Name), and no matter how many times I asked her to call me Amanda, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Damn politeness and titles.

I was sitting here tonight thinking about how my relationship with Shawn is so very different from what I've known before. The open communication we have is something that has taken some getting used to. After walking on eggshells for many years and being afraid to speak up, I can now bring up any topic, knowing it might piss Shawn off, but we'll talk through it. We may have to separate ourselves for 12 hours, but we'll talk through it calmly and get it worked out in the end. We can bring up issues to each other knowing the other will listen, even if we disagree.

Healthy habits are hard to get accustomed to. I'm so used to doing most things on my own, it's difficult accepting the help that's offered to me so freely. It's so odd to me when Shawn jumps in and does the dishes, vacuums, or helps with the laundry. I do love when the two of us are in the kitchen cooking. We make dinners together and sit down to eat together, which is something I adore.

If you're Facebook friends with me, you've known about Shawn for a while. You've seen pictures. If you're not Facebook friends with me, here are few shots of us:

I'm enjoying these happier days and will continue to look forward to even more of them.

Until the next dirt...