Let's Start This Out On The Right Foot!

I have officially been separated 8 months! My divorce is in the process of finalizing. We're hammering over some language, papers will be signed, and then we'll just have to wait for the judge to sign the final decree. I will be beyond relieved when this is over.

Nick and I now share 50/50 custody of Matthew. It was very difficult to offer this to Nick, but it was what Matthew wanted. I had to swallow all of the doubt that was trying to shout its way out of my throat. I had to trust Nick was making his changes the way I was making my changes. As long as it continues to go well for Matthew, we'll make a good routine out of it.

It's officially 2023, and I rang in the new year the best way possible - playing Yahtzee, drinking coffee, eating a biscuit. I took the time for a quick kiss, but getting my butt kicked at Yahtzee as the kids outside screamed the countdown was a blast. I thought when I left eight months ago I'd be out on the town living it up on New Year's Eve, but a quiet night at home with someone I love was just what I needed.

I want to make this a productive year. I want to forget about the hatred and misery I felt this past year. I pray we'll all be able to move on. Starting on that foot, I'll be doing another presentation at Carleton College. I'm very excited to have been asked back. I'm editing my presentation because, let's face it, a lot has changed since my original speech nine months ago.

The days without Matthew here are very quiet, and I will admit I suffer a bit of empty nest syndrome. I went from having all the kids in the house to Tea moving out. Then Matthew and I moved out and it was just the two of us. Suddenly I have this time where it's just me, and I'm lost. My apartment is usually sparkling clean. On Matthew's weeks at his dad's house, I'll clean his room pretty thoroughly. Some days I just sit in a chair looking around, wondering what to do. That's usually when I bake.

Work has kept me busy as well, and I'm forever thankful to my boss for giving me the chance she did. I work from home pretty much exclusively now. A little part of me is always fearful that I'm going to lose this wonderful opportunity I was given, but I just keep plugging along, doing the best I can. When I slip up, I admit to my mistake and write down how I can do better so I don't make that same mistake in the future.

It does feel like I've been making a number of mistakes lately. With the stress of the divorce, not being able to afford Christmas (much thanks to the Salvation Army, Fruit of the Vine, and loved ones for making Christmas possible), and multiple surgeries, my mind has been elsewhere. I'm so grateful for everyone who has been with me and had patience and understanding.

I did build up a fabulous support system these past eight months. In the beginning I was really floundering, wondering if people were against me. I needed to build up a support system who could be there for me, which I did. I am forever in debt to these people.

So I will leave you my first picture from 2023. Let's make this a great year!


Until the next dirt...

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