Last One for a Bit, Probably

It seems I've been dealt some pretty low blows this past week, and I've learned some lessons. Let me share those lessons with you:

1. People change. Maybe they aren't who they seemed to be in the first place. This can be both good and bad. Change is good. I've changed as a person. I like to think I've grown up and matured, can be honest about my feelings and the situation I'm in, and I believe I've done a fine job of standing up for myself. However, I'm still having to defend myself against my life's former choices, denying lies of today because they might have been relevant in the past. If that's a confusing sentence, it just reads, no, I'm not sleeping around.

2. Sometimes you can love someone and not know them at all. I will always love Nick. He gave me my children. He was my other half for almost 27 years. But I don't even know who he is anymore. I'm sure he can say the same of me. The fact is, this past week I don't even recognize the person I fell in love with. And I wonder where he went.

3. You can be civil even if you want to scream. I've done a lot of deep breathing, pauses, slapping my forehead on the other end of the phone, shaking my phone while texting, etc. But in the end, I always tried to keep it civil. I apologized when I was wrong. I hope to continue to grow in this way.

Things aren't great. This will be my last post for a little bit, I'm thinking, as we continue to work through our mess. I want to keep things out of the public eye, and right now they're getting too public. My feelings are too much that I want to share, and I need to be respectful of our situation.

Until I see you again, here are some random pictures from happier times together:




Thank you for reading. We'll see you again soon.

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