Why Do People Suck?

 Most people know I'm not a big fan of fireworks. Scratch that. I hate fireworks. I've gotten better at tolerating them over the years, but I can't handle being near them. If I'm inside while they're going off, I'm okay. I can handle the panic.

Why do I have such a hatred of fireworks? Because of this:


This was the fireworks explosion down on Bayfront in 1988. I was almost 11 at the time. I remember the explosions going off, my mom grasping on to my wrist as I tried to flee, the horrible noise, the people screaming. Talking to a friend about a year ago, he described it to the time he was in a war zone. He said it was only fair that I have PTSD from this experience.

Like I said, I've gotten better around small fireworks. However, I went out for a walk tonight (I'm writing this about a week before it'll post). People were setting off small fireworks in the driveway. No big deal. They were small. I waved and kept walking. I got farther away, and they set off slightly bigger ones in the road. Noisier. I changed from listening to an audiobook to noisier music to try and drown it out. I noticed my hands were clenched. I consciously practiced opening my hands and closing them to try and relax. I was getting closer to home, just before where their tree line was, when they set a bigger one off in the sky. I immediately went down to my knees and covered my head. The music didn't do any good. I was back at July 4, 1988. I was panicked. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't even run this time.

They know I have problems with fireworks. Nick has asked them to call and warn us when they're going to set off fireworks so he can sedate me. Maybe I should have just headed back when I saw that they were setting off the small ones. But I didn't think I would have that reaction. Maybe I thought they'd be courteous enough to wait the 15 minutes until I was done with my walk (and it was actually darker out) to continue on with fireworks. But what the heck, the never call to tell us when they're going to set them off. I understand they don't have to, but I had hoped that we had common respect for each other.

I'm so done. I guess my PTSD over the stupid fireworks debacle isn't as far in the past as I thought it was. I guess I'm done trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I know we do things to piss them off, but this was ridiculous.

Until next week's dirt...

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