Our First Year Back

 When we first moved back to Minnesota, I really struggled with liking Nick. We had lived apart for a year. He had originally moved up to Duluth first to work at his job while I stayed back in Wisconsin for the year. I was incredibly resentful at first. The first three months he was gone were extremely hard, but after that, the kids and I got into this great little rhythm with him being gone. It was peaceful, we did our own thing, we had a schedule down, and it was a quiet house. When Nick would come down to visit, suddenly the yelling and chaos would start, and I couldn't wait for him to leave. I thought, how horrible I feel that way about my husband! But I wasn't getting things done fast enough for him. I wasn't packing fast enough. I wasn't getting the house cleaned fast enough. I'm pretty relaxed and I work best under pressure. He's the type that has to have everything pre-planned and ready to go months in advance. We're polar opposites on many things.

When the kids and I moved back north in the same house as him, Nick was on my ass to unpack boxes. I could've left boxes packed for years and it wouldn't have bothered me. He kept harping on me. It took months, and finally, I called my mom over, because I was pretty sure I was done with the boxes and I didn't know what else he wanted me to unpack. He was pretty sure I had more to unpack. My mom and I went into the basement and found three boxes that weren't storage and unpacked those. Then we went out to the shed. We took care of every box that had mine or the kids stuff in it and left Nick's stuff. Over time, I've even gone through the storage in the basement and gotten rid of stuff and organized the rest. Let me tell you, that's a never-ending job.

What if I harped on him? It would be a lot easier to clean the basement if I had a real, honest-to-goodness bookshelf upstairs where I could keep my photo albums and books out of the basement moisture and not worry about them being ruined. I've asked, but you know the joke: you only need to ask once every six months; you don't need to keep reminding your husband.

It took a long time to get used to living together again. Nick was used to living with his parents for a year. He didn't have the kids with him day and night, seven days a week. He wasn't there when they weren't feeling well or were whiny or had issues that needed to be dealt with. He had to get used to that all over again. When we were first living together as a family again, he seemed almost offended when the kids came to me for everything (permission for going places, things that they needed, etc). But the house seemed so stressed out from all of us learning to live together again, and I admit, I probably didn't do a very good job of hiding my dislike of the way things were.

Don't get me wrong, I could look happy. And I did a ton of stuff with Tea and Matthew. I just wasn't happy that Nick wasn't joining us most of the time.

Of course, the nice part of being back up with family was the family stuff we did do together. Trains were a big thing that first year. Matthew hated the noise but loved the trains.

Our first year passed so quickly, and our second year here was Covid, and now we're living our third year back home. The boxes are unpacked. The house is settled in. I'm pretty sure we're all comfortable with each other again (although I still don't think Nick is fully used to having kids around 24/7!). And I don't think I'm as chill as I used to be. I'm a lot more tense, I snap back easier, and I'm not taking anybody's crap anymore. It's quite the relief!

See you next week!