I'm Showing My Age

 When I was Matthew's age, we didn't have the internet. I'd have to say it became popular probably when I was around 17 or so. I remember sitting at a friend's house when she first got it, probably charging up hundreds of dollars chatting with somebody online, because you know damn well it cost money by the minute back then. (Did it really? I don't know, because I didn't have it at my house and didn't pay for it at her house.)

So what's my point? I'm job searching right now. My psychiatric nurse says, yes, I can get a job. Start out at 10 hours a week, and if I can handle that well, work my way up from there. I'm sending out applications. waiting to hear back, and wondering, hmmm, it's awfully quiet. I forgot that these days, potential employers look at your Facebook profile. I don't have anything I'm ashamed of on my profile, but my blog does post there, and I'm pretty open in this blog.

I didn't have any intention of opening up about my mental illness to any future employers. There's such a stigma about mental illness, and I've found that in the workplace, it sets me up for failure. If I'm having a bad day, people worry that I'm going downhill. Well, everybody is allowed to have a bad day. If I'm feeling especially happy (say, because I got a new car - once again, thanks, honey), people worry that I'm getting manic. Co-workers will talk behind my back, throwing around the crazy word. They'll ask questions to each OTHER about me, but never ask questions to MY face. So I wanted to avoid that.

However, the point of having this blog was to open up about topics that carry a stigma such as mental illnesses and autism. I'm proud of who I am and how far I've come. I can't guarantee that in six months or a year or two years I'll still be as healthy as I am now, but I know that today I feel good. As long as I keep taking my meds and seeing my therapist and psychiatric nurse, I'm on a good track. As long as I keep speaking out and educating people, I'm helping to break the stigma. Maybe my blog isn't the right way to go about it if I want to get a job, but it's my way of going about it, and I'm proud of who I am. My name is Amanda. I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I'm proud of who I've become.

Please, don't be ashamed to share your trials and tribulations. Don't be afraid to share your triumphs, either. Share in the comments here, or you can share on my Facebook page. You can email me. I'm here, and I'm willing to listen. We must break the stigma around mental illness.

Until next week's dirt...

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