My Bi-Polar and Dating Nick

 Nick and I started dating in September 1995. I wasn't diagnosed bi-polar yet, but I was going through one heck of a roller coaster ride. I was drinking like crazy. One night I didn't come home. I had stayed at my sister's house, and my mom came over there in the morning. She told me I could pick my stuff up and stay with my sister. When I finally sobered up and went to pick up my stuff, my mom said I didn't have to leave. I couldn't wait for my independence, though, so I packed some of my clothes and left. I stayed with my sister for a couple of months.

During that time, Nick and I spent a lot of time together. We would go out to Country Kitchen quite a bit and go out to play pool (he always kicked my butt). I was pretty manic that month of October 1995. I was overly sexual to the point where Nick was actually staying away from me because he thought I was "too much." That was a part of my manic phases, though. I was also spending all of my paychecks shopping and going out with my friends from work.

In November I moved back in with my mom and step-dad, and in December I was diagnosed. I was miserable for the next five months or so. Nick stood by my side. I was in the hospital in February 1996 with stomach issues and was barely released in time for Sweetheart.


 My senior prom was April (I think) 1996, and he was so attentive. We had prom at Greysolon Plaza ballroom. We didn't stay for very long because of my anxiety; I didn't have any friends and the former friends I did have were intimidating to me.


My sister's wedding was in August 1996. I couldn't believe that Nick and I were celebrating almost a year of being together. My moods were finally starting to stabilize, but it wasn't going to be like that for long. My sister's pregnancy and wedding would set me off into a downward spiral again.


I wasn't sure what to do with myself when everybody went back to school in September 1996. I was actually a high school graduate, but I sure the heck didn't want to go to college. I decided to take a science class at the local community college on my own dime to try something different. Nick was going to college and working. I was bored and partying. I ended up dropping out of my college class.

By spring of 1997, my life was going downhill. I was a drunk. There was an instance where I was supposed to meet Nick at my niece's baptism one Sunday morning. I was out partying all Saturday night and got home around 4:00 am Sunday morning. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until the afternoon. Nick made it down to the church and sat through my niece's baptism WITHOUT ME. That is something that I have never gotten over, and my sister was so mad at me for the longest time.

My partying and manic episodes finally got the best of me, and I ended up cheating on Nick. I had a one night stand in March 1997 at a party one weekend. It meant absolutely nothing to me, but I felt like Nick and I were growing apart and I could hurt him and get him jealous by seeing that other people wanted me. The next weekend was another drunk and scary weekend, because I passed out and woke up with a guy at the end of the bed. To this day, I wonder what happened.

In April I got pregnant with Bryan. If I hadn't gotten pregnant with him, I know I would've drank myself to death. Here's a picture of me and Nick right before I found out I was pregnant.


At the time I got pregnant, I was working at a temp agency working for a business transcribing field notes for surveyors. I worked in the office next to Nick's dad. Nick and I got into a big fight about my being pregnant. He didn't believe that the baby was his due to my cheating on him. That was fair enough until I told him to do the math. I was due towards the end of January. It all seemed so simple to me. So Nick and I broke up, but after my first ultrasound, I met Nick's parents at lunch one day and gave them the ultrasound picture. I had no clue if he had told them about my pregnancy, and frankly, I didn't care.

I was so stable during my pregnancy with Bryan. I don't believe I was on any medications besides a low dose of Prozac in the middle of the pregnancy. I decided to go back to school and study Accounting. I leaned on my family for support. I grew stronger. I got my own place. I bought a car to replace the one that died. I wished that I could always feel as great as I did when I was pregnant.

Until next week's dirt...

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